This is my confession

I have vowed myself that I will never, ever make any kind of confessions here, in my blog. But I lost it. I couldn't help myself.

Oh, by the way, Selamat Hari Raya ke-10 to all muslims out there! Maaf Zahir dan Batin! Kite raya sebulan kan kan kan? So baru raya ke-10. Duit raya untuk saya takde ke? Hehe.

Okay okay, back to serious business. *making a serious face*

I admit it. I've been depressed lately. Since the big fight between my mom and I happened (seriously, it was a big fight) I've been down like hell. The celebration of raya couldn't make me any happier. Not even my upcoming birthday.

Don't even start by asking about work. I'm still jobless, and it feels like forever, waiting for the KPM interview result.

Family? What more to say. I've been living in a dysfunctional home for years. But the impact feels even greater because I've been stuck in this house for months doing nothing. I just need to get out of here.

My love life doesn't help either. We've been arguing throughout the year. This relationship makes me wonder will I ever have a future with him. I know I was being silly by asking him about marriage, future plans and stuffs (because we're still very young to even think about that) but I couldn't help myself when I saw some of my friends are moving on, they either get engaged or married. I know I'm not ready, but deep down in my heart I envy them for being happy while they are still very young. I was once against this kind of marriage, but not anymore. I just need someone (particularly a guy) to take me away from here, from this house.

But I guess I just have to wait. Or be independent by myself by moving out. I guess I have to go with the second option (once I have a job that is).

Marriage is out of question. And it is a long way to go. I probably won't be getting married to my current boyfriend anyway. Perhaps I will not get married at all.

I'm being pessimistic aren't I? Well, I guess I need help. I can't recall the last time I felt so happy. I was flipping through CLEO mag and found out that I've been suffering with depression while reading an article about depression (seriously, I got all the symptoms, yeah) Now I know why a therapist may come in handy. But I'll try to cope with it myself first.

So, this is my confession. Usher should be happy I made his song as my title.