Go shawty, it's my birthday!

Hey y'all! It's been a week since my 23rd birthday (feel so old, yet look so young, haha) and I was damn happy to see that so many people (including those whom I don't have any clue who they are) wished my birthday. 

Don't mean to brag, but I've got like 100 plus of FB notifications in my inbox! Thank you all once again.

I was quite touched, (and felt a little bit funny though) when my Mr. Giggles wished me a day earlier (he skipped a day earlier), seemed like he couldn't wait any longer to surprise me on my birthday. 

What was the surprise?

Hee.

He sang a Happy Birthday song for me! So sweet and cute of him!

And when I thought my family forgot about my birthday (except for my sister because I kept telling her to buy me pressies, hehe) they surprised me with a birthday cake, a blueberry cheese cake to be exact.

Surprisingly, I was blurred at that time.

*the sound of owl howled*

Then I came to my senses and I said thank you to my parents, and my sister of course.

Overall, it was a great birthday for me. 

Yes, I didn't get any presents or throw any birthday party, but I'm grateful enough to have such family and friends who didn't forget my birthday.

All I wish for is for my loved ones' happiness. And mine of course. 

How I wish I can be forever 21. But I can't. 

So instead, I wish for people out there to treat me like a 23 year old grown up. Please! 

I hate it when people say I look like a 16, 17 year old kid (I know I look young, but looks can be deceiving! And never judge a book by its cover, alright) 

May God bless us all. Amin.

This is my confession

I have vowed myself that I will never, ever make any kind of confessions here, in my blog. But I lost it. I couldn't help myself.

Oh, by the way, Selamat Hari Raya ke-10 to all muslims out there! Maaf Zahir dan Batin! Kite raya sebulan kan kan kan? So baru raya ke-10. Duit raya untuk saya takde ke? Hehe.

Okay okay, back to serious business. *making a serious face*

I admit it. I've been depressed lately. Since the big fight between my mom and I happened (seriously, it was a big fight) I've been down like hell. The celebration of raya couldn't make me any happier. Not even my upcoming birthday.

Don't even start by asking about work. I'm still jobless, and it feels like forever, waiting for the KPM interview result.

Family? What more to say. I've been living in a dysfunctional home for years. But the impact feels even greater because I've been stuck in this house for months doing nothing. I just need to get out of here.

My love life doesn't help either. We've been arguing throughout the year. This relationship makes me wonder will I ever have a future with him. I know I was being silly by asking him about marriage, future plans and stuffs (because we're still very young to even think about that) but I couldn't help myself when I saw some of my friends are moving on, they either get engaged or married. I know I'm not ready, but deep down in my heart I envy them for being happy while they are still very young. I was once against this kind of marriage, but not anymore. I just need someone (particularly a guy) to take me away from here, from this house.

But I guess I just have to wait. Or be independent by myself by moving out. I guess I have to go with the second option (once I have a job that is).

Marriage is out of question. And it is a long way to go. I probably won't be getting married to my current boyfriend anyway. Perhaps I will not get married at all.

I'm being pessimistic aren't I? Well, I guess I need help. I can't recall the last time I felt so happy. I was flipping through CLEO mag and found out that I've been suffering with depression while reading an article about depression (seriously, I got all the symptoms, yeah) Now I know why a therapist may come in handy. But I'll try to cope with it myself first.

So, this is my confession. Usher should be happy I made his song as my title.

Where for art thou?

Where for art thou?

Spirits which keep me going,

Spirits that keep me high,

As I need you so bad right now, not to feel like a dead walking zombie, 

Not to feel like a hopeless jobless loser with no direction of what I will be,

Just to feel alive, just to be who I wanted to be.

Where for art thou?

Youth which makes me both young at heart and soul,

Which gives me either diesel or petrol,

That fuel all the energy in the world.

I couldn't find you anywhere,

Where the heck are you hiding?

Please come back before my arse's exploding.

Where for art thou?

Friends who laugh and giggle together,

Friends who eat junks once the break is over,

Friends who gossip more than housewives,

Friends who secrets they swore with their lives,

Friends who made an amend,

That we will be Best Friends Forever.

Where for art thou?

Love, the subject of affection,

The subject of feelings and emotions.

Where are the fireworks, where are the sparks?

Are you hiding in the dark?

Find your way before it's too late,

Before it grows into a thing called hate.

P/S: Another rough draft of poem from yours truly. There is a deep meaning behind it. *sobs*