A trip down the memory lane

Sedar tak sedar dah nak masuk tahun baru dah.
Where did all the time go eh? *musykil*
My writing skill is getting poorer these days. Including this one, this will be the seventh post for 2011.
I should blog more in 2012.

So let see what I have achieved so far in 2011.

Source : Tumblr

1. To buy BlackBerry Bold 9700 - I bought a HTC Desire instead of BB Bold. That counts right?
2. To be FIT, not FAT! - Erk. Have to carry forward in 2012. Hehe.
3. To move out - I will not move out soon, so this one is KIV.
4. To save more money, and to spend less money - Carry forward.
5. To become Great Teacher Lisa - Again, carry forward.
6. To be more optimistic, to have positive views about life so that I can be a better person - Same!
7. To enjoy life to the fullest! - Again. The same.
8. To get married (?) - No comment at the moment.

One out of eight? Aiyaaa. *scratches head*
Daymmm. Gotta be more realistic this 2012.
I wanna make it short and sweet, so here goes!

2012 Resolutions

1. To be healthy. Be gone fat!
2. To have financial budget. Less shop, more saving.
3. To be spontaneous.
4. To be a better person. To forgive and to forget.
5. To be happy and make other people happy.

2012 Wishes

- Brand new laptop
- Brand new car. KIV.
- Brand new husband? Hee. No comment. I'm happy the way it is now. I'll be waiting for him. Tapi jangan lama-lama ye, Mr Giggles? :p

2011, thanks for the memories.
2012, please be good to me.

Dream a little dream

I was having a hard time to sleep last night.
I kept on thinking,
"What's driven me to stay alive?"
"What would I want to achieve in life?"
"What are the things that I wanna do before I die?"
Well, I can't come up with a list of 100 things to do before I die like the guys from "The Buried Life", but I'm positive about this short term goal of mine, which of course is realistic, and that is to have my own mini library.

Source : Google

I mean, how cool is that to have your own library in your house?

I am a book lover myself, so this is like heaven for me. A mini heaven to be precise.

So from now on, I will keep on collecting more and more and more books, and read them of course!

Wish me luck ya!

Source : BookXcess' wall photos

"A book a day, keeps boredom away" - Anonymous

Miss me much?

Please ignore the title. Saje gedik-ing kejap.
But hey, I'm back! And I'm back for good! :)

I've been thinking of losing my weight this holiday.
Yup, ramai cakap aku dah gems. Gems as in G to the E to the M to the U to the K.
Seriously.
So my mission during this holiday, is to lose some weight and be fit.
Kira azam tahun baru lah ni.
But no diet for me. Takde perkataan DIET dalam kamus hidup aku. Nada.
So exercising is the answer. No pain no gain.
I just need a little faith in myself. Dah cuti sebulan ni penyakit M makin menjadi-jadi lah. Hehe.

Alright, enough babbling. Gonna babble to you guys soon.
Peace out! \m/

Kerja Gila!

Hey all! Salam and Happy Sunday!
Wow, it has been another 3 months since I last updated my blog. Gila punya busy cikgu ni!
Yup yup, I am busy, stressed out, pening kepala, seram sejuk, tak senang duduk, anxious, nervous, gelabah, afraid, confused. You name it. Semua ada.
Some of you must be wondering, what is wrong with me? Apo kono jang?
Well, biasa lah, work problems, family problems, love problems, marriage problems, blablabla...
Eh wait, marriage problems? Bila masa lak Lisa kahwin?
Haha, takde la. Memang belum kawin lagi. Takde jodoh lagi. Aku just stress bangat bila ramai orang tanya pasal kahwin kat aku. Sebabnya, aku takde plan langsung about it. Seriously peeps. Bukan taknak plan, ada banyak gila plan in my mind ni, but, whats the use kalau sebelah pihak lagi tamau cerita pasal bab-bab tu dengan aku, just yet. Plus, aku pun tak bersedia lagi, eventhough bila tengok ramai kawan-kawan dah tunang, kahwin, and dapat baby (!) memang aku jealous gila!  
Eh, berapa kali gila aku dah mentioned eh?

Ehhhh, dah lari topik la. Tajuk tulis kerja gila kan. So patut cerita pasal tu la kan.
Okay, okay, pasal kerja gila tu, tetiba aku terfikir semalam, my life is so fricking boring, and I feel like doing something extreme, like really extreme, for instance:
- fly away from here to any place that comes up to mind like the land down under ke, the city of mushy love like Seoul ke (eh, bukan city of love tu Paris ke?), tempat yang sejuk-sejuk lah, without telling anyone.
- go backpacking ke (eh, bukan lebih kurang cam kat atas ni ke?)
- tak pergi sekolah for days, shutting off all kinds of communication and just lie in bed, doing nothing other than sleeping, or should I say hibernating? 
- and anything yang extreme lah, can think of another one. Puasa lah. Hehe :D 

Do you have your own kerja gila that you really wanna do but cannot make it happen due to work, family or money? Please do share with me ya :)

P/S: Pardon me for the rojak language.

In hiatus!

Ya Allah, sedar tak sedar rupa-rupa nya dah tiga bulan aku tak update blog. Tiga bulan babe! Sibuk bebenor cikgu ni. :D

Takde la. Nak cakap sibuk tu memang lah sibuk, tapi orang lain pun sibuk juga kan, tapi boleh je update blog tiap-tiap hari. Bukan apa, there's nothing interesting happened to me lately, so there's nothing to update kan.

Pergi sekolah, balik sekolah, tidur, makan, tidur balik. Itu je lah kerja aku seharian. Plus minus with all the works yang aku bawa balik setiap hari.

Oh oh! Last Friday I went to Maroon 5's concert and my baby Desire just turned 2 weeks old! Ke 3 weeks old eh? I can't remember it myself.

 Adam Levine! I love you! :D

I've heard so many news about my friends, my cousins getting engaged, getting married out of the blue. Honestly, I'm really jealous with y'all but I'm extremely happy though! Semoga berbahagia hingga ke anak cucu :)

Uhm? What about me? Hee. Don't ask. I don't have any plans to get engaged or even married soon. So don't worry, I won't drop a bomb and surprise you guys with the news that I'm already married. Maybe in 3-4 years time, hopefully. I want to enjoy my single life first, commitment is not in my dictionary, just yet.

Okay, enough with the yada yada blablabla. Just wanna wish Happy Mother's Day to my dearest mom and to all mothers out there! I'm not sure what to buy for her but I hope I can figure something out.

Till we meet again peeps! Toodles!

Let's celebrate the month of love!

Hey all. Just wanna update a tiny bit of what happened in my life. For those who care of course.

Work - A week of holidays definitely makes me feel at peace. How I miss those days huha-ing and lazing around, being a couch potato thus making me plump (a little bit :P) No need to say about those junks in my trunk :D I miss having no obligations, no commitments and certainly stress-free life. But, life must go on kan. My new motto would be, less whining, more working! Hehehe :D

Money - Having my own pay check definitely almost making me a shopaholic! Almost! I need a financial assistant that can manage my money. Oh ya, btw, aku tak jadi beli BB. Cam ramai sangat orang guna, so sekarang tengah berkira-kira nak beli iPhone or Android. Which one is better eh? (Baru kerja dua tiga bulan dah berangan pakai handphone canggih :D)

Family and friends - Same ol, same ol. How I wish I can spend more time with them. Cuti seminggu tak cukup kot nak jumpa semua orang!

Love - Stable. Enough said. Tapi bila tengok ramai kawan-kawan yang dah nak kawin, yang dah bertunang, terasa macam jealous lak (bukan macam, memang jealous pun, mula lah terasa bila turn kita lak, hehe :D) Anyhow, I'm truly and sincerely happy for them. But nak share sikit kat sini, if your future husband or future fiance is just like Chris Medina, insya-Allah, akan berbahagia lah you all hingga ke anak, cucu, cicit, piut semua. Siapa kah Chris Medina? Check out this video!

May this month of love will bring us more joy and happiness! Toddles!

The First

So this is my first entry in 2011. Woo-hoo! (Bukan woo-hoo dalam The Sims eh :P)

First week being a teacher, it was damn hectic and so kelam-kabut!
I was tired, and exhausted, hampir menjadi lembik (Recommendation of supplement anyone?)
So many things to do, jadi bidan terjun pun ada. Ada je kerja yang diberi, on the spot pulak tu.
Haihh. Sabar je lah.

Sape cakap jadi cikgu tu senang? Jadi cikgu ni kena versatile, semua kena tahu. Bukan penyanyi je yang kena versatile.

I hope I can get through this.

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat hamba-Mu ini dalam menghadapi dugaan dan cabaran yang mendatang. Amin.

Hello, Goodbye

Orang dok sibuk tengok bola, aku sibuk mem-blog. Al-maklumlah, dah start busy la katakan. Hehe. Tak sangka pejam celik, pejam celik, dah nak masuk tahun baru dah. How fast time flies kan? Umur pun makin meningkat. Haihhhh. *sigh*

Eh, taknak cakap pasal umur lah. I'm Forever 21 kot. Haha.

Alright alright. Enough crapping.

There are two more days to a brand new year. Semua orang ada azam tahun baru kan. This upcoming year aku taknak berazam banyak sangat, sebabnya, azam tahun ni (2010) pun ada yang tak tercapai kot.

Eh jap, baru lepas check blog. Aku takde post azam tahun 2010 lah! LOL :D

So this is my new year's resolutions for 2011:

1. To buy BlackBerry Bold 9700 - Once I get my salary I will definitely go phone-hunting! And buy a new laptop, perhaps (?)

2. To be FIT, not FAT! - Seriously need to exercise!
(Dah boleh terima hakikat tak akan menjadi tinggi lagi, so bersyukur dengan apa yang ada)
Note to self - Calling someone else fat doesn't make you any skinnier :D

3. To move out - I need my freedom ASAP!
(Dah jumpa kawan yang sekepala, harap-harap dapat duduk satu rumah dengan beliau. Hehe.)

4. To save more money, and to spend less money - Need to overcome my addiction and obsession towards books, no more books for me! (Unless I found Mini Shopaholic with a reasonable price. Hehe.)

5.  To become Great Teacher Lisa aka GTL - (Not gatal okay? :D) A Great History Teacher to be exact. Jadi Cikgu Sejarah lah aku lepas ni.

6. To be more optimistic, to have positive views about life so that I can be a better person - No more miss emoLEE!

7. To enjoy life to the fullest! - Well, we gotta live like we're dying right?

8. To get married (?) - Once dah beli Suzuki Swift and rumah Semi-D, baru cerita pasal kahwin. So, jangan tanya bila nak kahwin lagi ye, harap maklum. :P

Berry Berry

Things that end with -berry:

- Blueberry

- Strawberry

- BlackBerry

- Burberry

- Raspberry

- Ribena Berry

- Halle Berry (?)

- Cherry Berry, or simply in Malay: Cirit-Birit - thanks to Mr. Giggles for reminding me of this term :P

Most of you must be wondering, WTH is wrong with me, posting an entry about berries right?
Just simply because, I love berries. Sedap apa kan? :D

Okay, okay.
You got me.
I want to buy one of the things that I mentioned above.
Apa lagi, BlackBerry lah kan.  
Bukan Blue Key macam mak Lizi cakap tu :D
Orang lain pakai BB, dia pun nak pakai gak.
Ala, kan sekarang tengah musim smartphones, orang dok pakai BlackBerry la, i-Phone la, BlueBerry la (Made in China if tak silap)
So, apa salahnya I nak join in the club pun kan.
Nak beli pun pakai duit sendiri, so kena la kumpul duit banyak-banyak.

BlackBerry Curve 3G

Yang ni cun?

Or yang ni lagi cun?

BlackBerry Bold 9700

Rasa cam nak beli Bold 9700, tapi cam mahal la pulak. Curve 3G sesuai lah kot bagi orang yang tak seberapa banyak income macam saya ni, kan?
Apa-apa pun, moga-moga boleh lah beli salah satu. Lepas tu taknak beli handphone dah untuk 10 tahun yang akan datang. Hehehe :D

Sources: Google

Kosong

Omputih cakap empty. Itu apa yang aku rasa sekarang.
Aku tau, aku patut rasa gembira dengan hidup aku sekarang.
Sepatutnya bersyukur dengan apa yang aku ada.
Aku dah ada kerja yang tetap;
Tinggal dengan family yang ambil berat pasal aku;
Kawan-kawan yang masih keep in touch dengan aku;
Relationship dengan si dia pun dah stabil.
Tapi aku masih rasa kosong.

All I know for now, only books, movies and Glee that can make me happy.
I'm not sure about anything else.
Mungkinkah aku perlukan suatu perubahan yang sangat drastik dalam hidup aku?
Mungkin aku perlukan itu.

I need an extreme change in my life.
Should consider bungee jumping and racing cars in the future.
LOL. Maybe not.
Main bowling for the first time pun dah lembik.

Or maybe I should be a workaholic.
So that I will keep myself busy and I will not think about those crappy wedding and having kids things.
Hey, I'm not gonna married in 5 years time! So what's the point of thinking about it?
Yes! I shall be a workaholic! Indeed.
 
P/S: Entry mengarut buat kali keberapa tah. Cuba untuk menggunakan bahasa baku sepenuhnya. Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa kan? :D

30 Days of Night

The title sounds creepy eh? Hehe. Saje nak buat gempak actually. Post ni tak creepy langsung pun sebenarnye.

30 days left to go before we venture another year, and somehow it freaks me out a bit.

Why?

Because I'm getting older that's why! Everyone is getting older by the way. :P

More responsibilities, no more hu-ha, hu-ha around as I will be busy working.

Oh, that's another thing. No more duit raya for me next year. Instead, I have to give duit raya to those cute little monkeys. *sigh*

I'm not sure whether I have achieved any of my 2010 new year's resolutions. Tak ingat pun ape azam yang aku buat. Haha.

Never mind. There's still some time to think about new year's resolutions.

But my first new year's resolution for 2011 would be to save some money from my salary.

Ramai nak datang next year ni: MGMT, Maroon 5, sape tah lagi. Bukan murah kot nak beli tix concert diorang.

Rumah pun nak kene beli. Kereta lagi. Wedding pun nak buat grand-grand nanti (tapi lambat lagi la :P).

So kene kumpul duit banyak-banyak ni. :D

Supposed to be

20th November 2010.

It is supposed to be the happiest day of our life as it is our first anniversary.
It is supposed to be a gleeful day as I was looking forward for us to meet up today.
It is supposed to be a wonderful day as I will be treating him with my first pay.
It is supposed to be a suprise as I wanted to give him something.
It is not that much, but I did think of him.
And this was supposed to be a mushy, lovey-dovey anniversary post for him.


But I ruined it all.
And in the end I am the one who is all heartbroken.
But I don't think I deserve to be yelled at.
I know he was stressed out and all, but I just don't deserve that.


Happy First Anniversary. Sorry for ruining it.

I hope that we can last longer than we ever thought we will be.

Sorry pagi-pagi buta dah emo. Bangun-bangun je air mata ni dok meleleh je. Bukan nak mintak simpati, just nak luahkan perasaan yang terpendam dalam hati ni. :(

I survived primary school students!

Tuesday, 16th November 2010.

It was my last day in SJK Chong Hwa, Setapak.
I survived a primary school! Yay!
(Well, almost survived actually, because I've only been there for like 19 days, not even a month)
Another yay for me because I got my first pay cheque! Heeee! *senyum sampai telinga*

But nay for me because I didn't manage to take some pictures with the students especially with class 3C (I have seven classes but I love this class so much I don't know why)
They even asked me to teach them English next year, but I didn't have a heart to tell them that I will not be around anymore, so I said, "We'll see about that".
Darn, I hope they won't be sad, because deep down in my heart, I am sad as I can't teach them anymore. Even for a short while, I feel bonded to them.

It's not easy to teach kids, but they are fun to be with. They are so annoying as they bugged you around with silly questions until you feel like pinching their cheeks and pulling their ears. They are so hyperactive and couldn't sit tight just for a sec and start running, playing around until you feel like yelling and hitting and spanking them. But in the end, they make you either smile or cry. I know they made ME smile. They are indeed, cute little monkeys.

I miss them already. :(

Oh God.

I can't believe I'm saying this. Haha.

Never mind. I will visit them one day. Hopefully they will still remember their one and only Teacher Lisa. :)

Kids say the darndest things, NOT!

They scream! They yell!
They fight! They cry!
They are obnoxious!
They are annoying!
And they are little kids, the most monstrous creatures I ever seen in my life.
Don't trust their cute little faces, they may look like angels, but on the inside they are little demons.

LOL. I'm being a little dramatic aren't I? Well, it is simply because I can't tame them.
I've bribed them with candies, I've made some serious looking faces, I've dragged them, I've spanked them on their buttocks (not that hard lah, it was hard to catch them running around), I've talked to them like a mother (more to sister actually) to her children, I've threatened them with their exam marks and told them I would send them to the headmistress' office.

Nothing is working. Na-da.

Lucky I have one week left (until the school holidays), to go through all that.

Being around with kids definitely making me think more than twice to have children of my own.

I salute all of you mothers out there. Period.

Gembira!

Satu, sebab menang Adam Lambert nye contest and I have won myself a pair of tickets, an autographed CD by Mr. Lambert himself, and a pair of Meet and Greet passes! Tak sangka menang. And tak sia-sia la kredit digi aku habis. Thanks to Fly FM and DiGi!

Dua, sebab dapat jumpe Adam la! What else can it be! Hehe. Eventhough sekejap (and tak dapat amik gambar personally and get an autograph) dah bersyukur sangat dah sebab dapat jumpe Adam up close, and I even got a chance to hug him! (I don't care what people say, this is once in a life time man! Susah kot nak jumpe Adam!) Just that I was a little bit sad with all those protestors though. It is called discrimination people! Don't judge Adam based on his sexual orientation, judge him based on his talent. When they said that Adam is a bad influence, hey c'mon! We can think on our own and we have to decide what is right and what is wrong by ourselves. Take all the positive things about him la. Don't follow the bad ones.

So kalau ade orang tanye, kenape suke Adam? Die kan gay.

Simple je. Sebab die memang sangat talented. I love him for his music, not because of other things.

Erk. Tetibe cam serious, nak emo lak. *buat muka happy balik*

The concert was absolutely superb and phenomenal! Adam definitely rocked the night and make us the Glamberts very daymn happy! Please come back to Malaysia, Adam! We all heart you so much! (macam la Adam baca blog aku ni kan, haha :D)

Okay okay, enough about Adam (sorry la terlebih excited sket).

Tiga nye, kenape saye gembira kan, sebab nye, esok saya akan dikonvokan! I hope that I will make my parents proud. And Insya-Allah, lepas konvo ni, misi mencari kerja akan lebih digiatkan. Doakan saye berjaya ye rakan-rakan! :)

Sedih!

Satu. Sebab tak dapat pegi tengok si Glambert beraksi live esok. Dah banyak kali masuk contest untuk menang tiket konsert, tapi takde rezeki. *sobs*
Kenape tak beli je tiket? Sebabnye, saye memang broke (bukan berok ye, harap maklum) jadi saye takde duit nak beli tiket. Lagipun, takde orang nak tengok Glambert bersame saye. Adik saye tu kemut, nak tiket free je (Same la dengan kakak nye. Haha :D)

Dua. Sebab tak menang contest untuk dapat tiket konsert tengok Paramore. Memang berharap sangat-sangat-sangat nak menang, sebab itu je peluang yang agak cerah untuk dapat tiket free. *sigh*

Tiga. Sebab Mr. Giggles cam busy minggu ni. Hadiah birthday pun tak dibeli lagi sebab tatau nak beli ape untuk saye. Haihh. Sedih la. Dah nak hampir sebulan ni. Hurmm.

Harap-harap hari saye dikonvokan yakni hari Sabtu ini membuatkan saye menjadi lebih gembira. Saye tak kisah kalau tak dapat bunga, dapat seekor beruang kutub pun jadi la. :)

Crushcrushcrush

I had a high school crush. His name is William. I didn't know much about him as he is just plain mysterious, who always read a book in a quiet corner. And that is what I like about him. He is the only exception for me.

"Hey Liz. There goes your vampire-looking crush." My friend, Haley said to me one morning, in the school cafeteria.

"How do I look?" I gussy up myself.

"Just the way you are. Not much difference." LOL. She's being supportive alright.

I flashed a bright braceface smile to him. He smiled back with crooked teeth of his and walked away.

Haley shook her head once William was out of sight.

"What do you like about him anyway? He looks dead to me."

"It's just a little crush. No big deal." I lied. It was a big deal to me. How I wish I have the guts to talk to him.

The next morning, I had a stomachache. Bloody Coke! (not the drugs alright) I shouldn't have drink a can during recess. Not many knows that I have a gastric gene inside of me.

 "Why in the world would you drink a Coke if you knew you will be having a gastric?" Haley asked me.

"Because you asked me to drink your bloody Coke!" I shrieked.

"Erk. Sorry. I bought the wrong can. I wanted a 100 plus, not a Coke." Haley made her puppy-eyed face.

I rolled my eyes.

"Why don't you just go to the toilet and finish your misery business once and for all?" Haley suggested.

"Nah, I don't feel like doing that. I just need to burp." And so I burped.

"Gross Liz! Not in the public!"

"There's no one here." I looked around the cafeteria. The rest of the students have gone back to their classes. There were only a couple of students left. The bell has rung.

And so I burped again. This time I let out a big one I almost squawked. It was not like there's anyone here besides me and Haley right? Oh man. It felt so relieved.

"Liz..."

"What?"

"Your crush..." Haley whispered.

"Huh? I can't hear you!" I leaned in to her across the table.

"Your crushcrushcrush!" She almost squealed and pointed to me, to my back to be exact.

"Wow, you sure are amazing!" I heard a soothing boyish voice.

Oh no.

I turned my back and saw him. Yes. It was him. The William.

He gave me a big thumbs up with a very wide, big grin.

"Man, that was really cool! We should compete sometime. I was the Champion of Burping for three years in a row. You sure can beat the hell out of me. Catch ya later!" He grinned again and made his way to the class.

I stared at Haley in horror. Oh my God!

"Hey, don't say that I didn't warn you. Look on the bright side, he's talking to you now." Haley laughed.

Now all my dreams of being romantic with William are crushed. I can only imagine him burping out alternately with me like a couple of mating frogs. Great.

The End.

P/s: This is just a short story fiction that I wrote to win a pair of Paramore's concert tix. What do you guys think? :)

Review: Ready or Not? by Chris Manby

Hey guys! I've been meaning to write this review couple of weeks ago, but, as usual, a friend called Procrastination kept on delaying me (haha) He's not around for today, so I decided to review this chick lit ASAP (before he comes back :D)

I've never read any books by Chris Manby before, and I decided to try this one. And guess what, I was hooked! While reading this book, I simply couldn't put it down.

The story plot is very simple, not complicated at all, it was about a woman named Heidi Savage who is engaged to a goody two shoes guy called Ed and along the engagement period, she was hesitated whether she's ready to get married or not to this one particular guy. She was terrified by the fact that his fiance's rugby friends kept bullying him, she could not take care of a six month old baby named Forester, the son of her best friend Kara who is now a single mother without the help by his fiance and the fact that she met his old ex-boyfriend named Steven and it brought back sweet, fond memories of them being together.

The ending was very predictable but I was laughing all the way through. This book is simply for those who wants a light and relax read. There's no pressure in reading this chick lit book.

On the scale of 1 to 10, I would give this book as 8. Fair enough I think.

Chris Manby is now definitely listed as one of my favourite author! I'm gonna grab more books written by her! :)

Go shawty, it's my birthday!

Hey y'all! It's been a week since my 23rd birthday (feel so old, yet look so young, haha) and I was damn happy to see that so many people (including those whom I don't have any clue who they are) wished my birthday. 

Don't mean to brag, but I've got like 100 plus of FB notifications in my inbox! Thank you all once again.

I was quite touched, (and felt a little bit funny though) when my Mr. Giggles wished me a day earlier (he skipped a day earlier), seemed like he couldn't wait any longer to surprise me on my birthday. 

What was the surprise?

Hee.

He sang a Happy Birthday song for me! So sweet and cute of him!

And when I thought my family forgot about my birthday (except for my sister because I kept telling her to buy me pressies, hehe) they surprised me with a birthday cake, a blueberry cheese cake to be exact.

Surprisingly, I was blurred at that time.

*the sound of owl howled*

Then I came to my senses and I said thank you to my parents, and my sister of course.

Overall, it was a great birthday for me. 

Yes, I didn't get any presents or throw any birthday party, but I'm grateful enough to have such family and friends who didn't forget my birthday.

All I wish for is for my loved ones' happiness. And mine of course. 

How I wish I can be forever 21. But I can't. 

So instead, I wish for people out there to treat me like a 23 year old grown up. Please! 

I hate it when people say I look like a 16, 17 year old kid (I know I look young, but looks can be deceiving! And never judge a book by its cover, alright) 

May God bless us all. Amin.

This is my confession

I have vowed myself that I will never, ever make any kind of confessions here, in my blog. But I lost it. I couldn't help myself.

Oh, by the way, Selamat Hari Raya ke-10 to all muslims out there! Maaf Zahir dan Batin! Kite raya sebulan kan kan kan? So baru raya ke-10. Duit raya untuk saya takde ke? Hehe.

Okay okay, back to serious business. *making a serious face*

I admit it. I've been depressed lately. Since the big fight between my mom and I happened (seriously, it was a big fight) I've been down like hell. The celebration of raya couldn't make me any happier. Not even my upcoming birthday.

Don't even start by asking about work. I'm still jobless, and it feels like forever, waiting for the KPM interview result.

Family? What more to say. I've been living in a dysfunctional home for years. But the impact feels even greater because I've been stuck in this house for months doing nothing. I just need to get out of here.

My love life doesn't help either. We've been arguing throughout the year. This relationship makes me wonder will I ever have a future with him. I know I was being silly by asking him about marriage, future plans and stuffs (because we're still very young to even think about that) but I couldn't help myself when I saw some of my friends are moving on, they either get engaged or married. I know I'm not ready, but deep down in my heart I envy them for being happy while they are still very young. I was once against this kind of marriage, but not anymore. I just need someone (particularly a guy) to take me away from here, from this house.

But I guess I just have to wait. Or be independent by myself by moving out. I guess I have to go with the second option (once I have a job that is).

Marriage is out of question. And it is a long way to go. I probably won't be getting married to my current boyfriend anyway. Perhaps I will not get married at all.

I'm being pessimistic aren't I? Well, I guess I need help. I can't recall the last time I felt so happy. I was flipping through CLEO mag and found out that I've been suffering with depression while reading an article about depression (seriously, I got all the symptoms, yeah) Now I know why a therapist may come in handy. But I'll try to cope with it myself first.

So, this is my confession. Usher should be happy I made his song as my title.